What Is Ego?

Ego and the Sense of Identity

We hear the word “ego” a lot these days. Big ego, little ego. He’s in his ego; she’s in her ego. Egomaniac. Egotist. Ego trip.

So what exactly is ego? How does it affect our sense of identity?

In the simplest terms, ego is a person’s mind-made sense of self or self-importance. It is that voice in our heads that tells us negative things. We develop our sense of self over time from our background, upbringing, experiences, choices, etc. This is the person we create with all its complexities, and we present this “me” to the world. All too often, ego plagues us with negative traits such as low self-esteem, anxiety, and insecurity. And at the same time, ego creates a mask in an attempt to cover these traits, conveying a guise of “I’m good” or “I’m cool.” The ego might even go further and project inflated self-importance and arrogance.

None of these traits define our true self. Yet we spend so much time and energy creating ourselves, our personalities, adding more and more content to make ourselves feel adequate, self-sufficient—and all the while the ego is trying to convince us that we are the opposite: inadequate, lacking, less than, not enough. This negative self-talk in turn requires putting on masks to hide what we think will cover all our so-called flaws.  

Ego Thrives on Suffering

Another telltale attribute of the ego: It thrives on suffering. Michael Gottlieb, the spiritual master teacher and founder of Royal Way, wrote:“The ego lives on misery. The more misery, the more nourishment  for it. Prove it to yourself. Be blissful and you will see that in blissful moments, the ego totally disappears. And vice versa. If the ego disappears, bliss begins to shower. If you want the ego, then you must not forget any of the hurts, the wounds, the insults, the humiliations,  the nightmares. Not only will you not forget them, you will exaggerate them. You will emphasize them. You will tend to forget all that has been beautiful in your life. You will not remember joyous moments. They serve no purpose as far as the ego is concerned. Joy is like poison to the ego. And misery is like vitamins.” 

For the spiritual seeker on a quest, seeing the ego in this way presents the challenge of dropping this identification with the ego and discovering our true self, our divinity. 

Identifying with the ego as “this is who I am” limits and stifles the possibility of growth on any level. 

Ego = Ego-Mind

We identify with ego because we identify with our minds. We come to believe that what we think is who we are. All the while, our minds work overtime to take us farther from our true selves. This is why Michael Gottlieb uses the phrase “ego-mind” synonymously with “ego.” 

And the ego-mind can be very untrustworthy.

“Your mind is not your mind,” Michael teaches. “There is very little in your mind that is yours. It is filled with baggage from your parents, from your teachers, from your priests, your ministers, your politicians, your brokers, your entertainers, your newscasters, etc., etc. There is so little in your mind that is really yours.” 

What’s more, Michael writes, “We have been diverted by so many distractions that we do not recognize our own selves. We act out of so many foreign impulses alien to ourselves that our whole identity is with our ego, and we do not know who we really are.”  

So how do we reclaim who we really are? How do we rise above the negative self-talk of the ego-mind? How do we develop an identity that is not of the ego, by the ego?

It begins with quieting the mind, that seat of negativity. And the most effective way to do that, Michael teaches, is through meditation, where we can experience silence. We can experience God. We experience our divinity.

The Value of Meditation in Countering the Ego

While the ego thrives on suffering, meditation leads us to the opposite state. “Meditation is purest blissfulness,” Michael teaches. “As you go deeper you come across more and more beautiful spaces, more and more luminous spots. They are your treasure, deeper and deeper silences, which are not only the absence of noise but the presence of a soundless song—musical, alive, and dancing.”

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He continues, “When you drop your mentalism and go behind the mind, you discover a silence deep within you … that is God. ‘Be silent and know God.’ In that silence we come to know that the greatest evolvement, the greatest growth, the greatest life is God.”  

These words are an invitation to discover your inner beauty, your heart, your divinity, your true self. What a beautiful way to live a life. Full of light and wonder and joy. 

True Self-Acceptance

Experiencing silence in meditation, recognizing our inner beauty, unshackling ourselves from ego-mind—all of this brings a whole new approach to the meaning of self-acceptance. We see and accept ourselves in a new and different way. By understanding that our true nature is beautiful and blissful, we are able to accept all aspects of ourselves—even those that we see as negative. Dropping all our mind-made fictions becomes attainable when we understand that they are not real. We are in charge, not our ego.   

This kind of self-acceptance brings healing and soothes the soul. The deeper we go inward, the more we feel and embrace our heart, our divinity, God. It is in this precious place we find our true self. 

Conclusion: Bringing in the Light

“Never forget that ego is the most negative phenomenon in existence,” Michael Gottlieb writes. “It is like darkness. Darkness has no positive existence. It is simply absence of light. Light has a positive existence, but darkness is an absence. That is why you cannot do anything directly with darkness. If your room is full of darkness, you cannot put the darkness out of the room. You cannot throw it out. You cannot destroy it by any direct means. You have to do something with light. You have to bring light in.”

Through meditation and countless experiences and teachings in Royal Way, we bring in light and are able to transcend the slavery of ego.