The Folly of Comparison

I wish I had their money. I wish I had her skin. If only we had a house like that. I should be as thin as she is. I should be as buff as he is.

Every day, everywhere we turn, we’re invited to compare ourselves—compelled to compare ourselves. The engine of comparison used to be magazine ads, billboards, and TV commercials. Today, social media literally puts comparison right in our faces. We scroll to see perfect pictures of perfect people in perfect settings, wearing perfect clothes, ad infinitum. 

They’re so pretty ... rich ... successful ... tall ... funny ... deep ... popular ... poised ... fit ... thin ... and I am not.

Where does this come from? Why do we waste time, energy, and negative self-talk comparing ourselves to others?

Michael Menachem Gottlieb, spiritual teacher and founder of Royal Way, explains this phenomenon: “From the very beginning we are taught to compare. Your parents are always comparing you with other children. Your teachers compare you with other children: ‘Look how well Johnny is doing, and you are not good at all.’ Look at others. From the very beginning, you are told to compare yourself with others. This is the greatest disease. It is like cancer. It goes on destroying your very soul.”

Is it any wonder that this habit of comparing ourselves with others discounts who we truly are? Who we are is unique and authentic. But left unchecked, comparing will spin us around and downward, and stifle any chance of growth and happiness. 

Bringing light and clarity can silence the negative voice in our minds and end the folly of comparing ourselves to others, opening the door to reality that holds so much beauty— the reality of our true selves.

We Are Unique and Incomparable

After all, as Michael teaches, “One thing is certain: We can never be someone other than ourselves. With the greatest of effort, we might achieve a poor imitation of someone else, and in the process sacrifice our own innate, beautiful being.”

He continues, “There is no need to be anybody else. Each and every one of you is unique and incomparable. Everyone is unique and incomparable. You are just yourself. And as you have heard so many times before, nobody has ever been like you. Nobody will ever be like you. You do not need to be like anybody else.”

As we take in this clarity, the old habit of comparison can begin to drop away, and a new understanding takes its place. We can stop comparing and start to nourish ourselves. But this challenge could prove to be difficult. Habits are not easy to stop.

What to do?

How to Stop Comparing Ourselves to Others

Michael addresses this and says, “I am not saying this is necessarily easy. It could be easy. You could just drop that whole stupidity. But if it is not easy, then you need to go slowly, slowly into your mind, into the working of the mind, into the games that the mind plays, and there are millions. If you go slowly, the more alertness is attained, the fewer are the games, the more awareness, the fewer the deceptions. Soon you become more alert about how the ego has been surrounding you, following you.”

Alertness and awareness are the qualities that become our allies in this endeavor. It is worth every effort to stop comparing because it is so important to discover the authentic self. Making the decision to be free of this almost constant thought process of comparison sets us on the course toward a happier life.

As Michael Gottlieb teaches, “If you understand the uniqueness of who you are, you will feel immense gratitude for whatever God has given you. If you do not compare, then you are neither big nor small. You are neither ugly nor beautiful. You are neither intelligent nor stupid. If you do not compare, you are simply yourself. And in that state of simply being, flowers grow and you grow. Because a deep acceptance of life and a deep gratitude—these bring your spring, your growth.”

These words bring solace and inspire us to drop the habit of comparison and to be who we really are.

The Role of Meditation

Because Michael stresses the importance of awareness and alertness in overcoming the folly of comparison, it is logical to ask how we can become more aware and alert. For this, the key is meditation. In meditation we can quiet the mind, which is, after all, the source of our thoughts of comparison. With a quiet mind, we can experience silence and that state of “simply being.” As Michael writes, “Since all inner noise is in and of the mind, it follows that inner silence happens only when we drop the mind.” It is little wonder, then, that so many of Michael’s teachings stress meditation, and why retreats at Royal Way Spiritual Center offer so many wonderful experiences of meditation.

Conclusion: We Are Utterly Unique

Through alertness, awareness, and meditation, we can overcome the fruitless process of comparing ourselves to others.

“You are utterly unique,” Michael writes. “This is your privilege, your prerogative. This is God’s blessing, that he has made you unique. Do not compare. God does not believe in carbon copies. God only creates originals. You are an original.  Make it into a mantra: I am an original. I am an original.”